I think this goes far beyond flushing baby crocodiles down the toilet.
What the hell could this be? A li’l sewer-investigating robot took these videos in South Carolina and has been baffling people ever since. Has our sewer crap spawned new life? Is this all a stupid hoax? Or maybe under that crap is just a giant sac of spider eggs caught in sewer goop.
Either way, it’s D&D come to life.
There’s something to be said for being outrageously stupid.
I am of course referring to movies like the ones Michael Bay makes, and specifically Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Such a stupid fucking movie. Everyone was always screaming, the camera was always moving and effects were born without cause.
Each dramatic confrontation fast forwards into the dramatic confrontation as if the writers were allergic to a sane, rational moment of common sense. HOW could they have made such a mess?
Answer: They did it on purpose.
Today is the world of short attention span theater. 140 characters per thought. A 22 minute sitcom is much better when the best jokes are cut into Youtube clips. It’s not just that we skip the vegetables to get to the meat — we only want the finest bite of the meat and ask for dessert.
And so we get what we ask for, what we deserve. A movie that has no time for anything except the climax of each scene. No time to explain, no time to introduce characters or show emotion or to present a concept in any less than 140 typed characters regardless of their logic or reasoning. There is only noise and explosions.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is not stupid via incompetence, it’s stupid by design. It seeks to provide constant noise to an audience that cannot suffer silence.
Maybe you hated it, maybe you liked it. Most likely you hated it. But more and more films are being made this way. Star Trek was written by the same writers and had the same razor-fast pacing. But it’s the best-reviewed event flick of the year. Obviously, the difference in the two is the directing, like having identical twins raised in different sides of the track.
These movies were both stupid by design, full of battles you couldn’t follow and people screaming. One turned out to be a “high speed thrill ride” and the other a “steaming pile of shit.” One beloved and one derided. But the shit’s clearly going to make more, if not twice more, than the thrill ride.
So the studios will see that the “stupid” form of writing works. It’ll be taught in school. Each point of logical reasoning you remove from your script will add $5 mil to the gross. Ultimately, you’ll pay $14.50 to see “Youtube: The Movie,” which will be 90 minutes of the best dumb clips on the net.
And you’ll see it.
And it’ll make a ton.
And you’re annoyed that, right now reading this, you kinda think you’re already ready for it.
So the governor of South Carolina admitted to having a long-distance affair with a woman in Argentina. This soon after some senator type of guy in Nevada also admitted to having an affair. Affairs, affairs, affairs. It’s getting boring. I never thought ol’ Bill getting a BJ was any of our business and I think the hooplah over this crap is uncalled for.
Except for one thing. These two folks that were fishing in their neighbor’s pond are Republicans. The party of “family values” and such PR nonsense. That Nevada guy, Senator Ensign (what kind of a name is Ensign anyway? Isn’t that like being called Senator Lieutenant?) was a huge critic of other guys who strayed from the marital path. He was way down on Clinton and Larry Craig — remember Craig, the guy who tapped his toes for gay sex? Fun times. And then he goes and diddles outside the marriage himself.
So in the end, these guys shouldn’t have their public careers ruined for having an affair. That’s a private matter between them and their wives. But being hypocrites? Preaching one thing and doing another? Pushing a platform they don’t believe in just to get votes? That’s the sign of a bad public servant.
Ed McMahon dying doesn’t surprise me. It’s sad, but it’s something I’ve been waiting for a long time.
For some reason, it occured to me when I was a teenager that eventually, everyone older than me who I’ve gotten used to being in the world will die. I’ll turn on the TV one day (or get on cnn.com I guess) and I’ll hear a surprising death notice. Eventually, I’ll hear all of the following:
“Julia Roberts died today in her sleep.”
“Sylverster Stallone passed away last night.”
“Bruce Springsteen was found dead in his home. He was 88.”
“Donald Trump died in his New York apartment.”
So yes, I grew up in the 80s, congrats for noticing. But did you also notice how weird it sounds for someone who’s larger than life to lose it? It just seems… wrong, somehow.
I assume they get “Lost” in South America. So I can’t imagine why this news station would think these still frames from the “Lost” pilot could really be photos recovered from the wreckage of that Air France flight. Especially since the plane broke up at night, and these pics are in the daytime.
Score one for journalism.