There’s something to be said for being outrageously stupid.
I am of course referring to movies like the ones Michael Bay makes, and specifically Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Such a stupid fucking movie. Everyone was always screaming, the camera was always moving and effects were born without cause.
Each dramatic confrontation fast forwards into the dramatic confrontation as if the writers were allergic to a sane, rational moment of common sense. HOW could they have made such a mess?
Answer: They did it on purpose.
Today is the world of short attention span theater. 140 characters per thought. A 22 minute sitcom is much better when the best jokes are cut into Youtube clips. It’s not just that we skip the vegetables to get to the meat — we only want the finest bite of the meat and ask for dessert.
And so we get what we ask for, what we deserve. A movie that has no time for anything except the climax of each scene. No time to explain, no time to introduce characters or show emotion or to present a concept in any less than 140 typed characters regardless of their logic or reasoning. There is only noise and explosions.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is not stupid via incompetence, it’s stupid by design. It seeks to provide constant noise to an audience that cannot suffer silence.
Maybe you hated it, maybe you liked it. Most likely you hated it. But more and more films are being made this way. Star Trek was written by the same writers and had the same razor-fast pacing. But it’s the best-reviewed event flick of the year. Obviously, the difference in the two is the directing, like having identical twins raised in different sides of the track.
These movies were both stupid by design, full of battles you couldn’t follow and people screaming. One turned out to be a “high speed thrill ride” and the other a “steaming pile of shit.” One beloved and one derided. But the shit’s clearly going to make more, if not twice more, than the thrill ride.
So the studios will see that the “stupid” form of writing works. It’ll be taught in school. Each point of logical reasoning you remove from your script will add $5 mil to the gross. Ultimately, you’ll pay $14.50 to see “Youtube: The Movie,” which will be 90 minutes of the best dumb clips on the net.
And you’ll see it.
And it’ll make a ton.
And you’re annoyed that, right now reading this, you kinda think you’re already ready for it.
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