why are they trying to kill me?

All I want to do is eat three meals a day. Is that so wrong?
Someone seems to think it is. They’re putting high fructose corn syrup in everything from soda (which makes sense) to crackers and meat (which does not make sense). Why? Because it’s tasty and cheap. That’s why the food makers love it. Why am I writing this blog entry? Because I do not love it. I hate it even though it has these wonderful effects on my body:

1. Normal sugar can be metabolized by any part of my body. Yay my body! But high fructose corn syrup is not the same. It can only be processed by my liver. Go liver! Only the liver can only process so much of it. The rest, it turns into fat. Boo liver! I mean, boo high fructose corn syrup for literally and directly making me fat!

2. My stomach produces some kind of signal to my brain when it’s full. The signal tells my brain that I should stop eating, ’cause our food mission has been accomplished. Smart stomach! However, when my stomach is full of high fructose corn syrup, it doesn’t make that signal. Next thing I know, I’ve eaten a whole box of Little Debbie Snack Cakes and my stomach feels stretched. Boo!

That’s a pretty powerful one-two punch. It’s no wonder that type 2 diabetes has exploded along with the use of the high fructose corn syrup. Almost like a direct correlation! And I’m fat, too! Oh my god, high fructose corn syrup has taken my foot! Oh my god, my foot.

So I try to buy foods without the shit in it. You try the same thing if you can. The crap is so cheap, cheaper than sugar, that its in fucking everything. Good luck. You’ll die without it.


2 responses to “why are they trying to kill me?

  1. todd elliott

    Shop at Whole Foods. No high fructose corn syrup. No polyunsaturated/trans fats. No chemicals posing as food. You don’t even have to read the ingredient labels. Sure it costs a bit more, but you can shop for food without constantly being reminded of how the food industry is killing you in order to make an extra 2% profit.

  2. You should just settle down and eat Skittles.

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